Our struggle to obey is not one we will win through self-discipline alone. Without a fundamental change to our hearts, to our way of thinking, we will be destined to repeat our failures. When you look at it, it’s consistent with the rest of creation. New life is born when something else ceases to exist in its previous form. As Jesus said in John 12:24, “…unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” He was speaking of his own death, but it applies to our transformation as well.
“that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit,
and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind,
and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.”
- Ephesians 4:22 – 24
This death of the old self is vital to our spiritual growth. We have competing wills and desires. As long as we allow our own desires to rule us, we will struggle to make any real progress toward becoming like Christ. It requires mental discipline, prayer, and major changes to the things we dwell on.
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, …”
- Romans 12: 1 – 2
Our minds have to undergo a continual renewal. How do we accomplish this? Paul gives us a clue in Philippians:
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
- Philippians 4:8
This idea has a very real and practical application in our daily lives. God has made us so that if we are thinking godly thoughts, we cannot at the same time be thinking sinful or self-centered thoughts. If a child is told “no” to wanting a piece of candy, he will tend to be disappointed (or worse!) However, the child could choose to appreciate the fact that he already had four pieces before that and was lucky to have them. Adults are the same way. We tend to focus more on what we want that we are not getting, instead of all the things we already have that we have failed to be thankful for.
If an unhappy marriage is your struggle, then consider how often you put your spouse ahead of yourself. You could completely refine your marriage if you work hard to do more giving than you do demanding. Instead of being upset that your spouse isn’t considerate or thoughtful (which is basically you saying you aren’t being treated how you want to be treated), decide to serve and love regardless of how they are to you. This is what Jesus did. At the very least, it will lesson your expectations and free you from getting upset when you aren’t the center of your spouse’s focus.
It’s the same in all other areas of life – work, family relationships, and how we interact with complete strangers. We get upset because we think too highly of ourselves. We tend to think we are entitled to some kind of special treatment, when in actuality, we should consider ourselves in light of Job:
“Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone-
while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels shouted for joy?”
- Job 38: 4 – 7
Think about it. In reality, over what aspects of our lives do we truly have control? Can we guarantee our safety, our oxygen supply, the foundations upon which our houses are built? We have done nothing that requires God (or others) to meet our expectations. Does this mean we should allow others to just walk all over us and treat us like dirt? No, I think there is a point where we can distance ourselves from those who continue to hurt us. But I dare say that we err on the side of selfishness more often than not. And that we struggle with humility because we are constantly thinking of ourselves and our own desires.




